Thought Overflow

There was an uncomfortable phase I went through as a writer. It was a time when I was on the borderline of making this blog public or private. Until then, I rarely got visitors. I was young (still am, by the way!) and brash (well, I guess sometimes I am still brash). I’d write whatever I wanted to, including freely flowing uncensored curses and my unadulterated opinion on anything, no matter how extreme. Sometimes, I would put my secrets into writing, my pains and anguish into sentences and hit the “Publish now” button before I could stop to think about it.

And then, at some point, I realised that this blog was far too public. I’m ok with self-disclosure, but I didn’t want it to come back to haunt me. Honesty is great, especially for the catharsis, but it’s really not worth putting yourself up for public scrutiny. So, there were awkward nights, trying to figure out whether something I just wrote ought to go on the blog. To compound the problem further, I questioned my intentions for writing at all. I like to think that I have an intrinsic desire to write (and to write well), to constantly improve my writing and to please myself (for we are, after all, our own worst critics, aren’t we?). On the other hand, I had just joined StoriesMania, and I knew I was an amateur amidst others who were steps above me on the ladder of writing ability/skill. I soaked up their suggestions like a thirsty sponge left in the sun finds a few drops of water. I began to write their style, suppressing my own. This created even more dissonance (usage of that word is proof that I am doing an MBA) in me.

It took a while, it certainly did. But then, things sorted out. I slowly began to write exactly the way I wanted. I observed the nuances of others’ writing styles that I liked, and I tried to learn how to apply rather than imitate their style. I experimented with words and I liked the effect. I created blogs which were meant to be used exclusively for venting.

I’m at a stage now where I am under no pressure to modify my writing. Whatever I post on Thought Overflow is meant for general public view. Whatever I don’t want others to read goes into a couple of private blogs, depending on the severity of the writing. As far as my creative writing is concerned, I’ve stopped trying too hard to please everyone. I know a couple of focus areas I need to improve on, and I’m trying harder to write those better.

Why have I written this post? I just read a “self-disclosure” note by a friend on Facebook. I guess quite a few people go through this phase. It’s just an acknowledgement of the fact that it exists, and like everything else, it’s evanescent…it will soon pass.